Getting Lost So You Can Find Your Way
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I felt warm tears rise in the back of my eyelids when I knew where the conversation was going. Was I wanting to cry? Was I really sad? Oh, hell no! This was about to be really exciting news!
I had suspected what the news was all along, but I knew it was unavoidable. I stood in front of my supervisor as he told me they were replacing me with an old employee because they had more experience and knew I had been job hunting the past month. It seemed fitting to let me go.
I drove home that night wondering if they had ever noticed the times I was in the bathroom crying. Or if they just knew that I really hated my job.
The best feeling after being laid off was the sense of relief that followed.
After the job fell through, I felt whole again; it may have been four months since I had felt a peace within myself. Something in my soul could never flourish in this job, my first after college.
There was no question that this was not the job I was meant to have in the long run. Most days I went to work with a lump in my throat and sometimes tears welling up in my eyes. Then I said a prayer, and got through it.
People will tell you your first job out of college will be the worst, but what some of them never tell you is that you do not have to live with the job forever.
That is exactly why I cried in the bathroom and wiped tears away before I left to go into the next room. It was also why job hunting was my new pastime the first week I started the new job, and precisely why I never followed the impulsive instinct to quit when I wanted to.
I knew that job wasn’t going to last forever; the job simply paid the bills while I found a more suitable job in the meantime. I knew the client I had was given the opportunity to get around because of me. In my pursuit of happiness, I stretched myself and let myself grow to identify more of my passions that came from the jobs I applied for (and failed at getting). Most importantly, I learned that through some sort of minuscule suffering through your first job, you learn endurance, as well as appreciation and passion for when the good one comes up. (“Appreciation” and “passion.” Two words I had missed in my life for the four months I worked this job.)
Now I have two job opportunities to choose from, and one reignited passion within the week I was laid off. My passion of working with kids and teenagers blossomed within the time I was working the job that I was not thriving in. In fact, within the seven-month post-graduation stage, I found my new goal in life after a lot of wandering and losing my way.
And in the end, it was worth it.