But what happens when you take that leap with your person, your partner, your boo thang. Yes, you two have made THE big decision: to go from having a regular roommate to having a capital-R Roommate. This is a huge step for you and your SO. Living together is basically a precursor to marriage (or so I’ve been told). This is the time when you really find out if you’re capable of living with this person for a long, long time and lots of subtle difference can come out of the woodwork.
Read MoreI believe that our actions, our thoughts, our successes and failures are byproducts of the choices we make. I read books about psychology and the mind meant to inspire positive action, watch TED talks on productivity and healing destructive thought patterns. I believe in taking responsibility for mistakes I’ve made and pain I’ve caused. I’ve seen that choosing my daily rituals and taking action toward my dreams is the only way to bring myself closer to the person I want to become.
Read MoreI began to lose touch with so many of my friends. I’m sure you’ve heard something similar to the “you find out who your real friends are when you move away” banality before. Sure, sure. Of course it’s true. Relationships take multiple levels more effort when you can’t just show up at a friend’s house with a bottle of wine and an itemized list of issues for which they already have context.
Read More“I want you guys to go, I’m just going to take a breather and hang out on my own for a bit,” I say. It’s the truth—when I feel myself getting into one of these moods all I want to do is be alone, not tear anyone down with me. But even in knowing that, I can’t pretend this isn’t a version of myself I don’t get along with. I spiral myself further down the rabbit hole, feeling awful for letting my friends down, berating myself for not being fun for them.
Read MoreI need to cry. It’s not the kind of cry that comes out in laboured sobs and makes people around you feel genuinely uncomfortable as they watch the world end on your face. It’s the kind that comes when you reach the end of your grief: acceptance.
Read MoreAt 25, I’ve officially crossed into the territory where more of my friends are married than not, and many are starting to have children of their own. I can’t even commit to more than a two-week long affair with a particular variety of Fernet–or rather, it can’t commit to me. As a rule, I don’t like to spend much time considering feelings of lack, but I’ve begun to notice that an absence of partnership gnaws at me more mornings and evenings than I’d like to admit.
Read MoreAs confident as I had been in my decision at the time, walking away from my glamorous magazine job—and along with it, my lifelong “dream” career—left an emotional scar that refused to heal, no matter how many times I told myself it was for the best. A year later, I was still feeling an incredible amount of doubt. Perhaps, even, a tinge of regret. And because I was scared of what people would think, I refrained from talking (or writing) about it.
Read MoreLooking back on the artifacts of our good times together has shown me that it is alright to let go of the friends I have lost. Allowing them to travel down the paths they have chosen, without holding a grudge, is part of embracing their complexities.
Read MoreGrowth is slower and more subtle than I used to think it was. It doesn’t always look like milestones or hurdles jumped, and it’s hard to document. My journal pages from the last two years don’t look all that different from each other; there aren’t huge leaps made from one day to the next. But over the months, my voice reads a little happier. A little more hopeful for the future.
Read MoreEven so, I’ve been surprised at the feeling of worthlessness that has come alongside this period of quiet. The questions in my mind of, what am I contributing to anybody? Am I allowed to still be “resting” or is this really just laziness now? Is everyone around me wondering what I’m doing with my time? Am I paranoid to be thinking like this? If I’m secure in my identity and my decisions about how to spend my time, where has this fear of worthlessness come from?
Read MoreWhen I went home every summer, being back with my parents and having a different set of expectations placed upon me made friction inevitable. Far away in the UK, I could deal with familial disagreements by ignoring text messages or putting off video calls, but back home I had to face them head on. This often resulted in arguments or unfriendly responses and ultimately, I was left dissatisfied with my relationship with my parents.
Read MoreThe main topic of conversation my senior year was, of course, how will we all stay friends? After graduation, we’d be going different directions. Live in different cities, have different jobs. We’d spent so long being just a few floors apart in the dorms, and we were worried.
Read MoreEncourage others as much as you can as long as you can.
It's funny.
No, it really is.
The more graduations I have (because dual degree, not just for numbers sake), the more I feel like this is all pretend.
I have always been the quiet one. I’ve never spoken up in classes, never could talk to the person standing next to me in the elevator, never been described as bubbly or charismatic. Every start of a new school year, ever strike of midnight on New Year's Eve, I had one resolution.
Just talk more, I'd tell myself. Be outgoing.
Read MoreIn my past relationship, I had been with a guy who took gym selfies and posted them on social media. He also couldn't be bothered by texts through the week, unless it was to confirm weekend plans. He would curse at me as a joke and then expect me to laugh.
Why did I stay in this relationship? Why did I not run when I knew it was wrong? Great question!
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