What is it Trying to Tell You, if Only You’d Listen?

I went on a date recently. Two glasses of Riesling, pleasant conversation, and a perfectly amicable guy — it was an altogether fine evening.

However, I wasn’t interested in a second date.

Not because of any run-for-the-hills red flags. Not because I didn’t think he was cute. Not because we didn’t get along. I simply — wasn’t interested.

There’s no better way to explain it. No fear-based avoidance of the potential for a healthy relationship. No disdain for commitment that needs a heavy round of therapy to work through. Nothing deeper than the inner sense that a second date just wasn’t necessary.

But, I said yes to getting dinner again with him.

My new therapist recommended it. My friends encouraged me to accept it. Outside sources reasoned that you can’t get a sense of a person on a first date, after all. How could I argue against this sort of logic?

So we set a day and time. Settled on a hip Vietnamese restaurant in the city. Made plans to “see you then!”

I ended up cancelling the night before.

Illogical? Probably. Against the advice of most people in my life? Definitely.

“What will you gain from going on this date?” my best friend asked me the night before as we sipped a winter sangria in a Phoenix suburb. (Let it be known that this girl is the most emotionally-intelligent person I know. If you can’t afford therapy, might I suggest a conversation with her?)

It’s what everyone thinks I should do! I said. I’m trying to challenge myself and remain open to new things! I reasoned.

“Maybe,” she suggested, “the real challenge for you isn’t saying ‘yes’ to something that you don’t want to do, but instead learning to listen to your gut.”

Turns out that my gut, in this instance, just wasn’t interested.

I realize this story sits at surface level — after all, I wasn’t making any real life-changing choices by going, or not going, on this date. But I’ve been thinking a lot about our “gut instincts” ever since. 

Intuition, instinct, gut feeling, inner knowing, God-within-me — however you choose to name it — is something I don’t take into consideration enough. The encouragement to “trust your gut!” is funny to me because my actual physical gut is a hot mess. My immune system violently attacks my intestines the moment I ingest gluten. But I’m starting to realize that my “gut” may actually be a dwelling place of inner wisdom. My personal challenge, then, is learning to discern the difference between this inner knowing and the voice of fear.

Because when I think back to my life’s pivotal decisions — the ones that mark “before” and “after” in my story, there was always this deep knowing (for lack of a better description) guiding me in the decision. My emotions may have been all over the place, and I may have been scared out of my wits, but there also was a settled sense of yes, I am supposed to make this choice, even if it doesn’t appear logical.

For example, I worked an Americorps role serving refugee youth for a year in my early twenties. It paid a small monthly stipend that barely covered rent. Essentially, it was a full-time volunteer position. This meant holding down a second, part-time job on the evenings and weekends just to cover my other bills. 

I wasn’t seeking out an Americorps role; I didn’t even know this federal program existed. I simply saw the job description on a nonprofit job board and applied without knowing it was a service position.

I remember the day I was offered the role. Fear ran down its long list of why this was a NO GOOD, VERY BAD, HORRIBLE decision: I’d literally make no money. I had zero experience in social work. I was stepping into something that was completely unknown. I didn’t even speak a second language.

And yet. 

This deep knowing — the same deep knowing that led me to apply for the role in the first place — urged me to accept.

It made no logical sense to go from my current secure job in the music industry to this service role. My emotions were pleading with me to say no. Reason-driven voices questioned the wisdom of accepting an Americorps role in an industry that was completely unrelated to my college major and career history.

But I accepted.

It was one of the hardest years of my life. I wasn’t prepared for the logistical and emotional challenges of walking alongside those who were arriving in this country as refugees — innocent humans fleeing a level of tragedy I’ll never know for myself. 

Often, I questioned whether I was cut out for the responsibilities this role required. I was essentially a caseworker with no social work background and inadequate training. I couldn’t even communicate with my clients, most of the time. The Google Translate app regularly muddled the lines of communication until both of us were left just shrugging our shoulders with a laugh because the translation was SO wrong. God bless the bilingual Walmart employees who witnessed our struggles and stepped in to help my clients pick out proper school uniforms.

And yet.

Despite these challenges, this is still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And I would not have made it had I not trusted my intuition, my instinct, my gut feeling, my inner knowing, the God-within-me. 

On deeper reflection, I notice this applies to all of my major life decisions: choosing Belmont for college, staying in Nashville after graduation instead of moving to Dallas to complete an internship at Southwest, deciding that my time at the Ryman was coming to a close, making the move to Phoenix. 

I didn’t have a lot of logical reasons or warm, fuzzy feelings to support any of these decisions — they were all led by this inner knowing that said “this is the way — walk in it.”

How can we learn to hear — and trust — this inner knowing? I think it’s through practice, through saying “yes” to this deeper sense that invites us to take a step that may otherwise seem illogical or not aligned with your feelings. I think it’s through reflection, discerning the difference between your intuition, your emotions, and your logical thoughts — your soul, heart, and mind.

What might life look like if we learned to “trust our guts”? If we listened to this deep knowing, and said “yes” to its invitation, even if it doesn’t make much logical sense? Even if it scares the living daylights out of us?

What is your gut trying to tell you, if only you would listen?

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