Posts in Dreams
On Working with Porcelain: Facing the Year Ahead

On the morning of January 1st I wrote down in my journal: “The panic is beginning to set in.”

I love New Year’s Eve; I welcome the new year surrounded by some of my favourite people, the constants in my life. We drink wine and play silly games and laugh our way through midnight. But by January 1st, the familiar feeling arrives. It's like standing at the top of a steep cliff drop; calendar pages splay out tauntingly before me with big red circles, lines and crosses mapping out the things unknown, the things I'm frightened of.

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Hidden Gems: How Pressure Can Shape Us

Five months ago I accepted my first full-time job as a building substitute at my former middle school. Although I wasn’t given my own classroom, I was relieved to have a place to go every day and to practice, observe, and grow in the education field. The very first day during lunch duty, however, a co-worker smiled as I introduced myself and promptly asked, “So are you overwhelmed with all the applications you’re filling out?” 

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What Will You Do Next?

“What will you do next?”

I’ve been asked that question three times in the last week.

I’ve fielded this question before—we all have; the moment our graduation date appears on the year’s horizon, every family member, friend, and kind stranger who discovers you’re a near-graduating student presents this question to you. It’s been two years since I graduated college, and I still don’t have a good answer to this question, despite the younger me who thought 24 years-old meant your life trajectory was set firmly in place.

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Top 10 Most-Read Posts of 2016

One of the best parts about running That First Year is getting to read all of the stories y’all send to me and thinking “Wow, that gal or guy is one helluva writer!” I’m forever grateful to be given this opportunity to take care of this space, creating community through stories shared of That First Year after college and beyond.

Below is a list of 10 posts that received the most reads this year. Give these posts a read as we bring this year to a close.

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The Dreams I'd Like to Keep

I have several dreams in my pocket.

I keep them close at all times. Despite how old the jeans may be, or if the pocket is full of random nothings, or if it means squeezing the dreams between my hips and the waistline of my leggings, I just know that I must hold onto these dreams.

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DreamsTessa DukeComment
Some Birthday Words and a Gift

This weekend, That First Year celebrates two years of existence, which also means I’ve now been out of college for two years. I feel like I should have some sort of grasp on this “adulthood” thing, but despite what idealistic-dreamy-girl-college-me thought, I still have no real idea of what I’m doing with my life. They don’t really tell you in college that you never actually “figure life out,” do they? Turns out life isn’t a problem to be solved or a puzzle to be figured out after all, it’s just a string of days—good ones and bad ones and meh ones—to be lived in wild abundance. These two years have definitely been a lesson in this.

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I Tend to Come Apart on Trains

I tend to come apart on trains.

There's something about the liminal space of them; that in-between, not quite anywhere feeling that nourishes my reflective (and overdramatic) side. Throw in a sunset or a rainstorm, or any kind of weather that feeds my ability to wander the full spectrum of my emotions; add my headphones and a Starbucks Christmas takeaway cup, and you've got the recipe for a dreamy, introverted girl's fall-apart-on-a-train kind of situation.

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Clicking Refresh: Life as Told by My Inbox

Refreshing my inbox won’t make an awaited email appear any faster. I know this. Of course I know this. But that certainly doesn’t stop me from clicking that little circular arrow every thirty seconds. Waiting for good news—in this case, a coveted job offer—is excruciating, and if constantly reloading my Gmail makes it marginally more tolerable, then I will continue refreshing all day long.

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All We Have is Time

Several years ago, I was at World Market with a boy I loved, looking at dining room tables, and he’d just said he liked a certain one because it was the right size to work at and have the person across from you rest their feet in your lap. I replied, “I want to be her. I want to be the girl with her feet in your lap.”

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My Protagonist's Internal Conflict: What to Write?

As young post-grad writers, we often find one another invited to the same pity party. It’s an ongoing gathering, one that Facebook pesters you about seven gazillion times a day. Officially, the event is called: What On Earth Are You Gonna Write About/Fulfill Your Lifelong Dream With/While Holding Some Shred of Dignity With Your Laptop and Cappuccino, held at Location TBD from 6:30 pm through eternity. And everyone in the written world is invited. There is also a 40 percent chance of rain.

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Hope Lost and Regained

I was in the middle of working on an assignment where I had to accompany a client home on the train. This first job after college had me crying some days over how stressful it was, on top of not being anywhere I had planned for my career to go. As the days progressed, I became more depressed, continually feeling less sane than the first day it hit me that this job had not been meant for me long term.

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Mountaintop Moments

Removed from the college bubble and re-planted in a new life, the field is wiped clean again. I have to again make a real, conscious decision about where I fit in and how I stack up. There seem to be metrics in place for who’s “winning” post-grad—high-power job? committed relationship? best apartment? coolest city?—but there’s no prize.

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