I have friends who are in the desert right now. Life feels dry; hope feels impossible. Every day is the same, wandering through an endless stretch of sand and rocks without a clear sense of direction, the sun beating down without reprieve. As the infinitely-wise sociologist and author Brené Brown writes, “Despair is a spiritual condition. It’s the belief that tomorrow will be just like today.” The desert feels so much like a place of despair, a place of death.
Read MoreDespite my desire to be productive and quiet, I allowed myself a moment to listen. Several minutes later, and I was able to gain a few nuggets of wisdom from this man. His genuine need to be heard was warranted, as I walked away with new insights. Though nothing was entirely new, hearing simple reminders from an older person made them somewhat fresh. I was reminded that life flies by, that stressing out about things out of your control only lengthens the misery, and that being there for other people is a mutually beneficial practice.
Read MoreI couldn’t bind up other people’s problems and make everything okay. I just couldn’t. I learned that I am not superman; I can’t save people. I learned that sometimes people choose to be unhealthy, that they choose to be in dangerous situations, but that I don’t have to support bad choices. I learned that I can walk away. Sometimes walking away means that you lose a friend, but it often means that you gain some clarity and peace. I learned that I can’t please everyone because in the words of Brené Brown I’m not “the jackass whisperer.”
Read More“It’s called real life, and it’s cracked and fragile.”
Real life seems to be awfully cracked and fragile lately.
I have friends who are hurting—friends mourning the unexpected death of family, friends grieving the loss of friendships, friends fearing potential layoffs, friends aching from loneliness or a feeling of not measuring up to their peers. So many people in my life seem to be carrying with them their own fanny pack of hurts these days.
Read MoreI thought I’d be writing this post with my whole life figured out. A perfectly stenciled career plan in place. Trips around the world and days of jet lag under my belt. Well on my way to finding Mr. Right.
I am here to tell you that one year later, I have achieved exactly none of these things.
Read MoreThe cynic in me wanted to believe that singleness meant that I was lonely, a failure, and unworthy of love. Especially after so many guys had come and gone throughout the years. I would ask myself things like,
Why am I single?
Why are were my friends able to find love, and I was not?
Is there a sign on my forehead that says, "Dateable, but only to the uncommitted?"
Read MoreHonestly, I haven’t been immune to the feelings of shame that come when you look at your goals and see how much you didn’t accomplish, the unchecked boxes on your to-do list nagging you for the inability to keep up. I’ve carried much of this shame through December, and especially through last week, when I had so much I wanted to get done that did not, at all, get done.
Read MoreWe owe everyone who has contributed their stories at least a year’s worth of lattes as a token of our gratitude, but alas, this simple “thank you” will have to carry the weight of our appreciation instead. Thank you, thank you to everyone who has written for, read, and supported That First Year this past year. We exist because of and for YOU and we can't wait for what 2018 will bring to this community.
Here are the top 10 most-read posts of 2017. Enjoy these stories from some incredible writers.
Read MoreToday is our 3rd blog birthday! To celebrate, we have some sentimental words + a sale & free print as our gift to you!
Read MoreWe are right in the peak of the holiday season, where dreams of home-cooked meals and sitting around a fire with loved ones play through our minds and the songs on the radio. Living close to home, where I can see my parents every weekend, take my grandma out for dinner whenever she’s willing, I would have thought this kind of holiday-induced homesickness would pass me by.
Instead I find myself counting down the days until December 25th, eager to reunite with the people who make me, me.
Read MoreAh, dating in your twenties. Does anyone really know how to properly do this? In an attempt to entertain myself, I got on Tinder for exactly the third time in my life. The first two times would require their own posts, to be honest. This time, I was simply there to swipe left and reassure myself that I’m single because there are essentially no men to date in a 100-mile radius of where I live. Until, that is, a handsome stranger super liked me. How could I ignore that?
Read MoreDespite the magic of the moment, I pretty much hate winter. My feet are perpetually cold from December to March, and the sun hibernates for weeks at a time. I’m the Scrooge of winter; everything is grey and my mood is quick to reflect that. I thrive in the temperate seasons of spring and fall, and I can even get behind the long days of summer, even when the sweaty Southern humidity makes me irrationally grumpy.
Read MoreDisclaimer: I’ve never been one to appreciate people. My self-defensive armor growing up was sarcasm and a black-and-white, right-or-wrong view of the world. I followed the rules and made the grades and went to church because I was supposed to, but pride and the need to be right was my motivation behind this rigid rule-following. And while college was a gradual melting of this judgmental view of people and life, it wasn’t until after college that the real work began. Time to scorch the earth to make way for new things, better things.
Read MoreThere is an argument to be made about needing a rock in a new world. This isn't always found in a significant other. I think we should all consider ourselves the lucky ones if we are able to identify at least one individual that helps us balance our world. A friend, a mom, a dad, a mentor, or anyone willing to help bear the burdens of life. We need that person who reminds us of the wonderful moments tied up amidst our tangled lives.
Read MoreEntering into adulthood, we face another shift. We begin again to crave their attention and their approval. As we begin our own lives, careers and marriages we seek recognition, admiration and ultimately to make them proud. Or depending on your relationship with your parents, this is your chance to prove them wrong. You either realize how grateful you are for the life they gave you or you realize the ways in which they failed you or even a combination of the two. During this phase also occurs much self-actualization often leading us to noticing aspects of our parents present within us.
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