My First Week in Corporate America

My First Week in Corporate America

Well, I did it. I survived my first week in Corporate America, and I lived to tell the tale.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be entering the Land of the Cubes after graduating, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’m one week in and I still don’t think I would believe it.

Here are a few painfully true stories about my first week on the job for your entertainment:

1. Cube Lyfe is just a real life corn maze. 

I knew that in the corporate world, I would have a cubicle. But the craziest thing to wrap your mind around is the fact that there are 30 other people in your room and you can't even tell. I also underestimated the turmoil that is navigating a roomful of cubes. I can’t even tell you how many times I got lost on my first day because EVERY CUBE LOOKS THE SAME.

2. You can listen to whatever you want and NO ONE KNOWS…

…except for when you’re listening to “Disturbia” and think your headphones are plugged in, and then wonder why it’s not getting louder when you’re turning up the volume, and then realize the ENTIRE ROOM is jamming to Rih with you. Welcome to my Friday.

3. Screen hangovers are a real thing.

After sitting at my desk for a few hours, I got an email on my phone and decided to open it. It was from a girl named “Kalimarie.”

I don’t know if I was craving fried squid that day or what, but I definitely read her name as “calamari.” When you’re reading a computer screen for 7+ hours a day, your eyes can play some pretty cruel tricks on you.

P.S. I may or may not have pictured a squid head on a lady’s body while reading her email.

4. The elevators are crazy efficient.

Background info before we get started: I don’t like roller coasters because of that stomach dropping feeling, and I’m also on a really high floor in my building in my new job.

PEOPLE, THESE ELEVATORS MOVE SO FAST. Every time I go to a lower floor, my stomach does that flippy thing, and I don’t even know what to do with myself. It kind of feels like I’m on that Tower of Terror ride at Disney World (…okay, so I’ve never actually been on that ride because I hate roller coasters, but I can imagine this is what it would be like).

5. Email subjects and signatures are always awkward.

This is more of a statement than a story, but email salutations are uncomfortable and passive aggressive. I go through a mental merry-go-round when I email someone wondering if what I’m saying makes me sound like a total witch. If I say “Best,” does it really mean I’m wishing them the best or do I just sound stuck up? Is “Thanks!” an icy way of saying “please, but I also need this done ASAP” with a fake smile plastered on your face?

Stay tuned for more (hopefully less embarrassing) tales of the blue-collar girl who found herself in the white-collar world.

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