A Holy Yes to the Real Things: On Setting Social Media Boundaries

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“Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist—the real truth of who we are.” — Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

Two and a half hours.

That’s how long I had spent on my phone that day. Reading emails, sure. Responding to texts, some. Catching up on news, a bit. But mostly: scrolling through Instagram.

I had spent an hour of my day clicking through clips of someone else’s life. The sad truth? Some days, I’ve spent way more than just one hour lost to Instagram.

This is where the High School Musical cast flash mobs my brain with “we’re all in this together”—because my educated guess is that you can relate to this daily scroll-fest, too.

A few months ago, my roommates and I gathered around our TV to watch The Social Dilemma, a documentary detailing the unsettling (but unsurprising) motives behind major social media platforms. It’s the sort of documentary that makes you want to pitch your phone into the deepest body of water you can find with a satisfying plunk. 

Of course, the documentary tells us what we already know: we’re addicted to social media. My thumb’s autopilot click to Instagram anytime I open my phone tells me everything I need to know about my addiction. And these apps are designed to feed that addiction in heaping spoonfuls of serotonin hits.

Six hours. Seven hours. Nine hours, on a rough day. 

My friends and I have been having this discussion all week, lifting the curtain on how much time we spend isolated in our phone bubbles. (And this doesn’t even begin to address the time spent staring at a computer screen for work or school or simply online shopping.)

And we’re asking ourselves… what would we do with those hours if we were liberated from our social media?

I’ve been wrestling with how to balance the digital world with the real, tangible world this entire year. My copywriting business is made possible through technology, and social media is a part of that marketing ecosystem. No matter my fantasies of forsaking social media altogether and becoming an apprentice to a leather tanner (does that trade even exist anymore?), my work exists because of technology. I can’t self-excommunicate from it completely. And I’m sure you can’t, either.

So the question remains—how do we make use of the freedom our screens offer us, without our screens usurping this very same freedom through our addiction to mindless scrolling?

Last year, as I sat at the base of the cactus-covered Catalinas in Tucson, I wrote, “My screen time, no matter how necessary, will never be as real as this boulder I am sitting on or this sunset I am waiting for. Our digital world will never be as real as margaritas in your favorite corner booth, homemade hummus and a bonfire in the middle of a spring afternoon, or listening to the sunset song of a wild coyote pack.”

How do we “say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist”?

I don’t have a watertight conclusion just yet, but I can report to you my field notes: ways that I am trying to limit the digital and embrace the tangible.

On Sundays, I restrict myself from just about all screens: no Instagram, no email, nothing work-related. These parameters have made my last several Sundays rich with the real things of life. 

On one Sunday, I spent the afternoon perusing for new plant babies and painting terra cotta pots white and gold while listening to Conan O’Brien’s podcast (y’all, he’s hilarious). Another Sunday, I made mini cheesecakes and read a new book while a fall candle burned. And yet another time, I spent the afternoon on a blanket in the park and ended the eve with homemade pico de gallo. It has been pure glory.

I’ve also had Instagram-free spurts where I delete the app from my phone for a few days at a time. I’ve noticed that I’m happier, more present, more productive on those days. This comes as a surprise to approximately no one. I attempted to set a time limit using the iPhone screen time feature, but alas, I have the self-discipline of a toddler in a room full of kittens, and so that did little to curb my Insta-binges.

I’m still working out how to let Instagram coexist with my life—how to let it be a healthy party of my digital toolbox.

I haven’t mastered it yet. But it’s a start—a simple, wobbly, holy start to saying yes to the real things in life.

[Cover photo by Aleksander Vlad via Unsplash]

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