It wasn’t the way that I expected.
It never is.
I had no idea how it even happened, but when I looked back, I was gone.
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When I was in college, preparing myself for a career in the music industry, I always assumed that whatever job I got would be my life. I never thought about what I would do with my time outside of work, other than spending it drinking beer with my friends and binge-watching crime shows. I was involved in extracurricular activities like the school newspaper during my time at MTSU, and even though I did enjoy it, the main incentive there was that I knew it would help make my resume sparkle. I didn’t expect that eventually I would crave having a project purely out of enjoyment with no ulterior motive.
Fast forward to a year into my full-time job. This isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy my work as a concert marketer, because I do. But eventually I knew I had to challenge myself to get involved in something outside of my paid gig in an effort to meet new people and continue learning along the way. The problem was that I didn’t really know how to do that as an adult without using school as a resource.
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Over coffee one weekend, my friend poured out her thoughts in the vein of frustration with her first full-time gig after college. Her angst was stemming from the general discontent of routine and the initial feeling — 3 weeks in —that her job was meaningless and seemingly dead-end.
As I listened, I felt the ping of familiarity with these sentiments — feeling discontent with the present and frustration of waiting for the future.
She asked me, “How long does it take for this to go away?”
I couldn’t give her a concrete answer. What do I tell her? That this will all go away soon? At the end of the month? Year?
And there lies the root of our frustration: there’s no timeline.
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I'm literally at my breaking point.
I've received rejection letter on rejection letter and every single one has said, "You have so much potential but we're looking for someone with more experience."
SO HIRE ME AND GIVE ME EXPERIENCE.
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When I first sat down to write this blog post, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
I was prepared to tell you that “the dream” you’ve been chasing might not actually be a dream of yours at all. I was also ready to say that our dreams can often cloud our ability to recognize alternative opportunities. After much reflection editing, and contemplation, I realized that I had conflicting opinions on “chasing the dream.” Here’s my best shot at explaining my opposing viewpoints.
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About a month ago, I got a job offer (miracle in itself that anyone would even consider me for any position…). And I reacted the way I normally would: I ran away.
Actually, the trip I was going on had already been long planned out, and it just so happened to fall on that very same weekend. Since my favorite activity is ignoring all responsibility, it couldn’t have been a more perfect time to go. I won’t get into how obsessed I am with traveling considering I feel like I do this in every post/somehow find a way to bring it up to total strangers I meet in the grocery store, but there is a certain clarity I find that I never knew how to find here, the way I toss and turn all night at home but sleep straight until morning when I’m anywhere else. To me, wanting to see and do so much and knowing there are boundaries to that is heartbreak. Maybe the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever known.
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It’s 7 pm. The white Christmas lights that are lined with postcards from my semester abroad and the ones that are wrapped around my headboard are twinkling against their respective walls. There are two kittens curled up on top of each other at the foot of my bed and I have set up camp in the chair that barricades me into my “reading corner.” I just finished a short story I was assigned in creative writing that dug its claws deep down into my writer’s soul and as I type a Bath and Body Works candle spits fumes of vanilla marshmallow out into the air.
I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave.
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Back at college, students have moved in, classes have started, football games have been won (and lost), and I’m sure many all night study sessions have already occurred. From the outside looking in, it’s the same as every other year.
Except there’s one thing: I’m not there.
No longer being a student has its good and bad moments. Can I just say how nice it is to not have homework or paper deadlines hanging over my head? It’s VERY nice. But sometimes I do miss college. I miss my roommate who now lives thousands of miles away. I miss constantly being surrounded by friends, many who have graduated and moved. I miss my professors. (I know, I’m weird.) I miss the familiarity of it all.
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It felt eerie because of how familiar the scene was: trying to figure out who was asleep on the couch because they were sleeping face down, everyone coming out of their bedrooms looking for water and answers, eating cold pizza that was left out all night and washing it down with an open Bud Light that was completely flat.
People say that you actually feel like you graduated when you don’t go back to school for the first time in your life in the fall. While I did feel a little off at the beginning of the month, it was being on campus last weekend that I really felt it.
I teared up on my drive home. How could this part of my life be over? Don’t get me wrong, I hate being hungover and am glad I wasn’t in as rough of shape as my friends, but they don’t know how good they have it. The only priority they have on weekends is to eat something and shower before it’s time to go drink all over again. I had to go home to do my laundry and grocery shop (I miss the dining hall) and get my life together.
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I basically pay Netflix $8 a month to keep re-watching The Office. I'm probably on my 7th time to watch the series in order, but who's counting? It started out as a procrastination tool my last semester of college but it’s now become part of my nightly routine. It's not that there's isn't any other binge-worthy show on Netflix - I just can't find anything funnier compacted into 20 minute episodes. In these last 7 times of watching The Office though, I've actually learned a lot that I've applied to my life in an office. I've summarized these lessons for you, my fellow millennials.
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No matter how much you love your job, internship or grad school sometimes you just need a break right? Put simply, humans are not meant to work every single day of their lives, following the same routine and seeing the same sights without experiencing some adverse mental and physical side effects… i.e. Stress, anxiety, binge eating, increased alcohol consumption, insomnia, high blood pressure (all of these things sound awful and terrify the closeted hypochondriac inside of me). Granted I’m not a doctor nor have I taken a science class since senior year of high school but WebMD is such a handy tool for self-diagnosing. How can we combat this burnout from happening to ourselves?
Nerd fact: Burnout is an actual psychological stress syndrome that occurs as a response to chronic emotional and interpersonal stressors on the job that according to Gabrielle Karol is way too common in women under-30.
While vacations are wonderful, sometimes they aren’t always realistic to all of our dismay. However, we all owe it to ourselves to take a break and get away.
Here are some of the ways we can fulfill the Dalai Lama’s advice.
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When I started my job search as a recent college graduate, negotiating salary was intimidating. Thankfully my first job offered my goal salary with the promise of a raise upon exemplary performance. Great; everything was smooth sailing for about a year.
When I hit my one-year anniversary I began plotting how I would ask for a raise. “Ok, once the annual report is in, I’ll ask before the board meeting in January.” Well the annual report wasn’t where it needed to be for me to ask for a raise. I’d done well in sales, but we had some substantial expenses so I chickened out. I could wait.
Granted, during that time I was working hard. I worked every weekend in January and 11 weekends straight from Easter to the mid-June. I’m sure there were opportunities to ask for a raise during that first quarter but I wanted to make sure that as an institution we were profitable so my appeal wouldn’t be viewed as greedy or selfish. I asked for advice from my parents, friends, friends’ parents—anyone who had insight into the best practices of business.
Here’s what I heard: You should be formally evaluated once a year. Normally a raise is given to cover inflation so ask for 5% but expect 3%.
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I’m currently working at a restaurant while I try to sort everything out/update my resume with community service projects I did 12 years ago just to make it look more impressive/deny my life. And customers who – (I’m not sure if my persona just screams confused grad, or if they somehow already know) - ask me what I want to do or what I went to school for usually respond to my answer like so: with a sympathetic head tilt, quizzical nodding, an extra dollar in the tip jar, and then of course, there are those who straight out ask: “Why?”
So I shrug and offer my most self-deprecating smile when all I really want to say is: “Because I like to write, have you read anything by Fitzgerald lately, literature is great, and do you want French fries with that?”
But I just figure it’s easier to answer the first way.
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I think we can agree that “Am I good enough?” is a question we’ve all asked ourselves. Everything we’re starting these days is brand new. Did we learn enough in school to succeed in the real world? How much are we expected to know when we’re brand new?
For me, my biggest issue with the real world is wondering if I’m good enough at what I’m doing. I want more than anything to work in the broadcast industry. I love storytelling and I think 21st century journalism is live storytelling because we now have the technology to do so. We have the ability to be there as real news is unfolding. What more could I want than to be able to tell the public about things that are happening in the moment?
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On August 8, I bought a car. I don’t even know where to begin with this post because it’s about 6 years in the making.
Only a handful of people know this but I actually didn’t have a car consistently until my last semester of college. My close friends know it’s been a soft spot for me to talk about. Yes, I know how to drive and I’ve had my license since I was 17. But being the middle child and the third to go to college left me without a car to call my own. It’s not that my parents didn’t want to buy me a car, they just couldn’t. Every year we would have the same discussion about how we could move cars around in the family or possibly buy one for me but every year it came down to either paying for school or for a car, and I wasn’t about to stay in my hometown just to be able to drive to a community college.
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