A lot has changed over the past few months. I moved into an apartment, and I have a job where people continue to congratulate me on having a job. (Is it written on my face that I’m an English major, I don’t know…).
It wasn’t a huge, sweeping move. But it takes great courage, I think, to go anywhere new, to separate yourself from what you’ve once known and who you once were.
Read MoreOver coffee one weekend, my friend poured out her thoughts in the vein of frustration with her first full-time gig after college. Her angst was stemming from the general discontent of routine and the initial feeling — 3 weeks in —that her job was meaningless and seemingly dead-end.
As I listened, I felt the ping of familiarity with these sentiments — feeling discontent with the present and frustration of waiting for the future.
She asked me, “How long does it take for this to go away?”
I couldn’t give her a concrete answer. What do I tell her? That this will all go away soon? At the end of the month? Year?
And there lies the root of our frustration: there’s no timeline.
Read MoreI'm literally at my breaking point.
I've received rejection letter on rejection letter and every single one has said, "You have so much potential but we're looking for someone with more experience."
SO HIRE ME AND GIVE ME EXPERIENCE.
Read MoreWhen I first sat down to write this blog post, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
I was prepared to tell you that “the dream” you’ve been chasing might not actually be a dream of yours at all. I was also ready to say that our dreams can often cloud our ability to recognize alternative opportunities. After much reflection editing, and contemplation, I realized that I had conflicting opinions on “chasing the dream.” Here’s my best shot at explaining my opposing viewpoints.
Read MoreAbout a month ago, I got a job offer (miracle in itself that anyone would even consider me for any position…). And I reacted the way I normally would: I ran away.
Actually, the trip I was going on had already been long planned out, and it just so happened to fall on that very same weekend. Since my favorite activity is ignoring all responsibility, it couldn’t have been a more perfect time to go. I won’t get into how obsessed I am with traveling considering I feel like I do this in every post/somehow find a way to bring it up to total strangers I meet in the grocery store, but there is a certain clarity I find that I never knew how to find here, the way I toss and turn all night at home but sleep straight until morning when I’m anywhere else. To me, wanting to see and do so much and knowing there are boundaries to that is heartbreak. Maybe the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever known.
Read MoreIn a short couple of months, I will officially be one full year out of college. There’s still a lot of things I wish I would’ve done by now and a few that I wish I hadn’t done at all. For better or for worse though, this year has happened and it’s turned out to be so different than I anticipated.
One of the things that I’ve really loved doing this past year is just sitting down and taking the time to create something. I found a pen pal group called #confetticourier that was started by one of my favorite Instagramers, @peytonfrank. The way it works is that each month that you want to participate, you sign up by a certain date in a private group created by Peyton on swapbot.com. The website then automatically generates someone from the group for you to send snail mail to. You don’t receive mail from the same person you send to, so you never know what you’re going to get! I’ve received some really amazing packages so far with unbelievably stunning calligraphy from all over the world. My calligraphy was mediocre at best so I recently decided to step up my #snailmail game.
Read MoreIt’s 7 pm. The white Christmas lights that are lined with postcards from my semester abroad and the ones that are wrapped around my headboard are twinkling against their respective walls. There are two kittens curled up on top of each other at the foot of my bed and I have set up camp in the chair that barricades me into my “reading corner.” I just finished a short story I was assigned in creative writing that dug its claws deep down into my writer’s soul and as I type a Bath and Body Works candle spits fumes of vanilla marshmallow out into the air.
I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave.
Read MoreIt felt eerie because of how familiar the scene was: trying to figure out who was asleep on the couch because they were sleeping face down, everyone coming out of their bedrooms looking for water and answers, eating cold pizza that was left out all night and washing it down with an open Bud Light that was completely flat.
People say that you actually feel like you graduated when you don’t go back to school for the first time in your life in the fall. While I did feel a little off at the beginning of the month, it was being on campus last weekend that I really felt it.
I teared up on my drive home. How could this part of my life be over? Don’t get me wrong, I hate being hungover and am glad I wasn’t in as rough of shape as my friends, but they don’t know how good they have it. The only priority they have on weekends is to eat something and shower before it’s time to go drink all over again. I had to go home to do my laundry and grocery shop (I miss the dining hall) and get my life together.
Read MoreIronically, change seems to be the only thing that’s truly constant right now, and I can’t put into words how strange this transition is to me, this confusion and this clarity, this first year. I find myself worrying as I look back and worrying as I look forward, never fully accepting the now because right now is the now and I can handle that just about as much as I handled the Friends finale (which I didn’t handle at all) ((“she got off the plane” … don’t even tell me you didn’t cry over that)).
Read MoreAs a freshman college student I fit the standard for the normal, all-American girl. I had a boyfriend whom I loved, a sorority I belonged to and a dear group of friends. My parents were very supportive of my wishes and needs.
However, as my college years went by I began to draw myself out of my comfort zone. This is how I realized that the community I had surrounded myself with was not challenging me for the better. This isn’t to say that I’m not thankful for the time that I had in my undergraduate years, but it is true that I’m most grateful for the instances that allowed me to escape my “bubble.”
Read MoreI’m currently working at a restaurant while I try to sort everything out/update my resume with community service projects I did 12 years ago just to make it look more impressive/deny my life. And customers who – (I’m not sure if my persona just screams confused grad, or if they somehow already know) - ask me what I want to do or what I went to school for usually respond to my answer like so: with a sympathetic head tilt, quizzical nodding, an extra dollar in the tip jar, and then of course, there are those who straight out ask: “Why?”
So I shrug and offer my most self-deprecating smile when all I really want to say is: “Because I like to write, have you read anything by Fitzgerald lately, literature is great, and do you want French fries with that?”
But I just figure it’s easier to answer the first way.
Read MoreHonestly, I have struggled with self-confidence and acceptance of my outer appearance for a very long time. But as I look back on my experiences, I have reflected upon how much I have grown in this area. Perfect? Not even close. Flawless? Only when I sing Beyonce.
So, I present to you 5 ways to improve your self-confidence.
Read Morell my life I have watched other people use this strange superpower that I just didn't possess.
I remember an instance when I was ten years old and had friends who wanted to go to the mall. But my family was going to lunch. It was such a dilemma that I cried! I literally stood there crying, unable to choose between the two. I couldn't bear the thought of having to tell either my friends or my family “no.” I didn't want to disappoint anyone.
Fast forward to my junior year of college: I was working three jobs, two of which I was commuting an hour for three times a week for minimal pay. I was exhausted.
Read MoreWelcome to being human. You aren’t expected to know every detail about your future. If you had it all figured out, when would you have time for the amazing unknown? Would you welcome love, even if it comes earlier than you expected? Would you feel restless because love is delayed four years? Would you take the job where you could excel quickly, or would you take the job where you’d have to learn new things?
Read MoreI've written three different posts this past week alone, all trying - and failing - to communicate what I've been experiencing this month. Every critique I've had from people has been this: You're rambling. What's the point?
So here's the point: I don't know my point anymore.
"What's your dream job?" a friend asked me on afternoon over half-priced margaritas.
I didn't have an answer for him.
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