Posts in Relationships
The Year of No
The Year of No

Shonda Rhimes wrote a book called The Year of Yes and while she is my spirit animal, and I agree with the motivation behind the book, I want 2016 to be my year of no.

Why, you ask? Because I've always said yes. To everything that I don't want to say yes to, I've said yes. I have done so much damage to myself from saying yes to appease everyone in my life that it actually feels good to say no.

In early December I had a series of interviews for a job I didn't actually want; I just wanted a full time job. When it got to the point where they wanted me to talk to the HR department, I said no. The job wasn't a good fit for me, and I didn't want to put myself in a position where I'd have to move and not know anyone and be miserable at a job that wasn't right for me. I am not opposed to moving to the other side of the country - heck I'm not opposed to moving out of the country - but for a job that wasn't going to be a good fit for me? It wouldn't be worth it.

Saying no felt great.

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Career, Life, RelationshipsJackie MundryComment
The Lessons of Living in Community
The Lessons of Living in Community

Since August I’ve been living in intentional community with five other individuals. Through the Jesuit Volunteer Corps we were all placed in various schools and agencies across Tucson, AZ. We are provided a communal budget each month for rent, utilities, food and personal stipends. We do almost everything together; eat dinner at the table nearly every night, ride our bikes to the grocery store, attend street fairs and play vicious games of UNO. 

When applying to this program I thought I was this incredibly self-aware individual who might potentially be able to grow from this experience. I knew myself and was sure of what I wanted. I also knew I didn't need others to be happy. I could do that all by myself, thank you very much. Needing others was a sign of weakness. It made you vulnerable. But the more time I spend in this house, the more I’ve realized it is okay to be needy.

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Life, RelationshipsOlivia LandryFeaturedComment
30 Lessons After Graduation
30 Lessons After Graduation

1. After a hard day, there’s nothing better than lighting a fancy candle and taking a hot bath. Indulge in a little luxury.

2. Assume that everyone in your yoga class feels just as vulnerable as you do.

3. Keep going to yoga. (Or your chosen equivalent.)

4. If you want something badly, tell someone about it. Your best friend, your mom, the cashier at the grocery store. You’ll be ten times more likely to reach for that goal if someone else is quietly rooting for you. Bonus points if that someone calls you out on your excuses.

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Graduation, Life, RelationshipsKristen HartsfieldFeaturedComment
How to Dwell
How to Dwell

You could say I’ve been carrying the word “dwell” around in my pocket for a little while now.

Once upon a time, I thought dwell was a peculiar word. Had I been asked to prescribe a physical form to it, I might have chosen a dark and sporous mold. I was under the impression that it meant to live as a hermit. And not the Boo Radley, kind and courageous type of hermit, but more of the long finger-nailed kind. While my apartment is a tad eccentric and also filled with sweets, please don't start referring to it as they did to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory (“nobody ever goes in ... and nobody ever comes out.”)  So before you think that my 2016 resolution is to become a recluse, allow me to explain.

If given the proper chance, dwell is actually a marvelous word. At its core, it is a fairly neutral word, devoid of offensive meaning. And thus begins my two-part New Year’s Resolution.

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Life, RelationshipsLaurel DicusFeaturedComment
Caught Between Independence and Needing Mom
Caught Between Independence and Needing Mom

When I was 15, I decided to do an exchange year abroad. I didn't even bother asking my mother about her opinion. I wanted it, so I applied for it. One year later I was sitting on an airplane on my way to Virginia, 5,000 miles away from home. Facebook had just started and WhatsApp was not around yet (Icq was still the THING). I was unbelievably excited. Ten months in a different country, a new life, a new family, new friends. Weekly calls from home? Annoying. I just wanted to have a great year and become a part of my new surroundings. So I told my mom I did not want her to call me all the time.

Bad idea. Very bad idea. We ended up having a major fight. She felt betrayed, excluded, unloved. I could write an article on how to break a mother’s heart. I should add: My mom and I had been living together for almost 10 years and I don't have any siblings, so I consider her my best friend. Suddenly I had turned her into a single woman who had also just turned 40. As I said, very bad idea.

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Life, RelationshipsViviane SchmidtComment
Just Trust It
Just Trust It

Coming home from a foreign country is a weird thing, man. You’re picked up by an airplane some 6,000 miles away, and by the time you wake up from a Nyquil coma everyone speaks your language and you can once again get a pumpkin spice latte off the Starbucks menu. Walking through customs at the Miami airport was akin to peeing in swimming pools as a child – comfortable, warm, a feeling of joy quite literally spreading around me. There were Christmas carols playing and decorated trees spotting the lobby, and hearing the words to “God Bless America” played over the loud speakers moved me to tears.

Home is a beautiful thing.

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Dreams, Travel, Life, RelationshipsKelsey WorshamFeaturedComment
Everything Changes
Everything Changes

But even those people that stood by me when the whole world was (rightfully) against me aren't as relevant in my daily life anymore.

And you know what? That's okay.

We grow up and we move away and we have different interests. My friends are always going to be my friends, but our interests aren't always going to be the same.

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RelationshipsJackie Mundry Comment
So This is the Desert, Then, Part II
So This is the Desert, Then, Part II

It’s been a year. I think that’s the best way to summarize my first year after college, because the statement “it’s been a year” is wide enough in ambiguity yet concise enough in simplicity to accommodate both the good and bad. So, yeah, it’s been a year.

Confession: This year, I had become selfish. I mean, let’s be real, I’ve always been selfish (‘Me? Selfish? But I’m perfect!’ argues my ego), but this year I was especially so.

It was always about me. But not in an openly obvious way, as though I consciously made the effort to view myself as the center of the universe. It was just the average “me, me, me” attitude that we so often perpetuate, ya know? Just continually thinking about the things common to someone who has recently graduated: What is my dream job? Where do I want to live? How can I find happiness?

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Life, Dreams, RelationshipsAlly WillisFeatured, ArchiveComment
One Year Later: A Reflection
One Year Later: A Reflection

It’s been a year since That First Year was launched. 365 days. And in those 365 days, more than 30 people (33, to be exact!) have contributed 131 posts to this li’l blog; more than 30 people have willingly put figurative pen to figurative paper to write about just how messy and confusing, yet oh-so-beautiful that first year after college can be. We’ve had posts covering the gamut of topics: from life to love to friends to travel to dreams to some of our favorite things.

“These posts are getting too relatable now.”

Someone said this about a post recently and I wanted to give ‘em a big ‘ole hug through the computer because that’s exactly what I was hoping this blog would be: a place where people can relate to the stories this community has shared. 

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Travel, Style, Money, Life, Health, Graduation, Dreams, Career, RelationshipsAlly WillisFeaturedComment
On Homesickness and Other Matters of the Heart
On Homesickness and Other Matters of the Heart

Thanksgiving is so damn American. We annually celebrate our declaration of American-hood (Because what else says America!!! other than the Plymouth Plantation settlers saying, "Here we are, y’all.  Let’s eat some meat and pray"?) with one huge, gluttonous expression of thankfulness. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love America and I love this great American holiday. In years past I’ve often rolled my eyes at my parents shepherding my sister and me around the country to various relatives’ homes. Thanksgiving can mean forced conversation with distant aunts that ask what happened to your seventh grade boyfriend.  

However, being some 5,000 miles away from home can turn the thought of tryptophan comas on La-Z-Boy recliners into something much more idyllic.

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Travel, Life, RelationshipsKelsey WorshamFeaturedComment
Comparison Game: Facing Adulthood with Social Media
Comparison Game: Facing Adulthood with Social Media

Not only can I keep track of my grad school and college friends, but I’m friends with my elementary school crush. (Well, after writing this I unfriended him. It all felt too weird; he’s married now, we haven’t talked since the fourth grade, so I guess it’s time to move on.) Social media is altogether ridiculous, and it’s turned me into a modern-day Narcissus. I think it’s probably turned you into one, too.

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Life, RelationshipsRachel MallisonComment
Long Distance Lives: How to Maintain Relationships When You're Not with the People You Love
Long Distance Lives: How to Maintain Relationships When You're Not with the People You Love

I already moved five times this year and have lived in three different countries. Every time, you start from zero; you meet new people and try to make friends. I have to admit, I feel at home pretty fast. This time it took me a day (thanks to my amazing hosts). However, while building new friendships, you also have to take care of your loved ones at home. That is the hard part.

So here is what I do to maintain relationships with my friends and family back home.

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Travel, Life, RelationshipsViviane SchmidtComment
Isolation Is More Powerful Than Community
Isolation Is More Powerful Than Community

If you would have told me a year ago that for my first job I would get to travel all across the United States for an organization I care so deeply about, I wouldn’t believe you. I desperately wanted to travel for a living, and I’m actually doing it! 

I travel with one suitcase and one carry on and visit a new city about every week. My elevator speech actually includes the line, “My office is my suitcase.” As I write, I’m realizing that my job is the real deal and I absolutely love it.

I also want to acknowledge that it’s a lonely job.

I get to meet absolutely amazing, inspiring women every day, but I only have one week to get to know them, then I’m off to a new city. I am around people all the time, but I am hardly, if ever, around people who know me... people who know my habits, my past and my passions--the friends who know that I am not a morning person and never will be and the mentors who see my strengths and appreciate that I am a competitive person.  

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Career, Life, RelationshipsArielle SchraderFeaturedComment
How to Create Community After College
How to Create Community After College

When I was in college, preparing myself for a career in the music industry, I always assumed that whatever job I got would be my life. I never thought about what I would do with my time outside of work, other than spending it drinking beer with my friends and binge-watching crime shows. I was involved in extracurricular activities like the school newspaper during my time at MTSU, and even though I did enjoy it, the main incentive there was that I knew it would help make my resume sparkle. I didn’t expect that eventually I would crave having a project purely out of enjoyment with no ulterior motive. 

Fast forward to a year into my full-time job. This isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy my work as a concert marketer, because I do. But eventually I knew I had to challenge myself to get involved in something outside of my paid gig in an effort to meet new people and continue learning along the way. The problem was that I didn’t really know how to do that as an adult without using school as a resource. 

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Career, RelationshipsMeredith GalyonFeatured, ArchiveComment
What You Should Know About Waiting
What You Should Know About Waiting

Over coffee one weekend, my friend poured out her thoughts in the vein of frustration with her first full-time gig after college. Her angst was stemming from the general discontent of routine and the initial feeling — 3 weeks in —that her job was meaningless and seemingly dead-end.

As I listened, I felt the ping of familiarity with these sentiments — feeling discontent with the present and frustration of waiting for the future.

She asked me, “How long does it take for this to go away?”

I couldn’t give her a concrete answer. What do I tell her? That this will all go away soon? At the end of the month? Year?

And there lies the root of our frustration: there’s no timeline.

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Career, Life, Dreams, RelationshipsJulie BloomFeatured, ArchiveComment