Few people warn you of the transition of moving back home. There exists this strange chasm between the gradual independence gained in college and the desired autonomy of adulthood. A degree of dependence, for me, has become unavoidable and I am constantly being reminded of how fortunate I am to be in such a position. It is oddly dispiriting, however, to watch as my carefully constructed independence is dismantled.
Read MoreOn Monday, I am happy because I visited my college this past weekend. I walked around campus and remembered lots of little things—who I sat on that bench with, where I ate the most deliciously unhealthy meals, what sidewalks got to eavesdrop on my heartbreak. It’s all still there and so are my friends and everything about it is as beautiful as I left it.
And then I am sad, because I had to come back here and wake up early and go to work. College has gone on existing. It is difficult to fathom my campus without me, me without it. There used to be a hole in the Boston College atmosphere where I fit perfectly, and I am afraid that pockets of me are still left behind there, in those gaps. I’m afraid that there are holes in me now that I won’t know how to fill.
Read MoreI step inside the duplex, the one I had been living in for the last year with four of my best friends, and immediately notice the new coffee maker in the kitchen. The duplex looks a bit different now with three new tenants. Two of my best friends still live there and every time I visit I notice a new way the interior has changed in my absence. I feel almost cheated on by that house before I remind myself that houses don't have feelings and it's not personal, Maddi.
Read MoreI sat in the corner of the empty bedroom in my apartment trying to get that perfect picture for Instagram. It was my last chance to take in the view before I subleased it to someone else. It had been my home for over a year and a place where many happy memories were created.
Read MoreIt's just about midnight and I'm a teeny bit past my deadline for this post. I'm sitting on the sidewalk and my bright orange volunteer shirt is hardly hidden under my sweater. I'm trying to cover it because I'm crying.
Read MoreI’m disappointed in myself for slipping into the darkest place I’ve ever fallen into, becoming bitter and cynical. Being told a hundred times that “I’m going to be okay” and listening to such words as a broken record of defeat. I guess it took some pita chips and a glass of wine to remind me that things can be half-full once again.
Read MoreIt’s just a text. A normal weekend text from your dad, who happens to double as one of your best friends. As I waved goodbye to a colleague on a Friday afternoon, leaving for a work lunch, I had decided I would walk home, even though it was a long walk and the sun was blistering. But it was the start of July Fourth weekend, and I was excited.
Except the text from my dad wasn’t the normal “what are you up to tonight?” or “have a great weekend and we will talk Sunday.”
Read MoreIf you grew up with pets and then transitioned to living on your own without pets, you’ll understand the slight twinge of sadness you feel when you come home after a long day and there’s no puppy to lick your face or kitten to brush its soft fur against your legs.
Read MoreThe funny thing about getting engaged is that life doesn’t stop and grant you sufficient time to plan a huge event, workout for the dress, go through pre-marital counseling, get engagement pictures done, etc. Nope, life moves forward at a relentless pace, continuing to require your time and energy per the usual. Here are 3 keys to planning your wedding even when life won't slow down for you.
Read MoreNew things, better things.
That’s been a go-to phrase for me for the past several months, a reminder in a rather transition-heavy and emotionally-turbulent time in my life to keep my eyes set on the good things to come rather than the worries I usually burden myself with needlessly.
And in the spirit of new things, better things comes along That First Year getting a makeover.
Read MoreThree days after my birthday I got dumped. Plain and simple. I was about to leave for a month in Germany, followed by a more permanent residence in Alabama for graduate school, when my boyfriend said he wasn’t prepared for the distance. It hurt, I cried, and then I drank more wine than I should have.
I spent the time leading up to my trip to Berlin thinking about the what if’s: What if I wasn’t leaving for half the summer? What if I could stay in Nashville? Would things change? Three weeks of driving myself crazy with questions made me realize that I needed to go to Europe, if only to provide myself with a distraction from neurotically checking my ex’s Instagram page. I packed my bags and in mid-May settled into seat 27C on a flight from Dallas to Frankfurt, thinking that maybe this was a good way for me to take a break from the breakup.
Read MoreThings are changing. Not just the usual kind of change, where you finish one thing and move onto the next and then panic and cry like millions of other kids, excuse me—young adults, my age. I'm sure you get that one a lot. The "help me, I'm jobless" one. And I'm sure you do your best, don't get me wrong, but while we're on the subject, how in the world does a kid who spent all of his senior year of high school dressed as the Statue of Liberty and speaking in a mildly offensive German accent get scouted by Google and offered a company car, YouDammit?
Read MoreMy relationship with Tinder is more off-and-on than any relationship I’ve been in with an actual human. Some weeks I’m all about it, and then some weeks I resent it. I go back and forth between the rationalizations of, “Well, how else am I supposed to meet people?” to “This isn’t natural, stop wasting your time.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve deleted the app from my phone (but not my actual account), gone without it for a couple of weeks, and re-downloaded it in a fit of loneliness.
But after all of the run-around with this service, I finally forced myself to really evaluate how it makes me feel: alone, isolated, more vulnerable to rejection. Is it really worth it? Aren't I better off just being alone with no prospects?
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You know them. You may be one of them. If you have a Pinterest account you can see them rising from the depths of your home page, posting various mason jar and burlap-themed photos to boards with titles like “My Dream Wedding”, “Wedding bells!”, or the most infuriating of all: “Ever mine, ever thine, ever ours.” Come on, ladies! Everyone with a pair of even semi-working eyeballs has read, and most likely incorporated into their vows, this Beethoven quote.
Read MoreThe truth is, I’m struggling and I’m a little lost right now. I don’t have a magic solution to make myself feel better, to make my bank account multiply, to magically gain five years of work experience in a day.
But I’m not the only one. Neither are you if you feel the same. It’s a strange time in life and it’s perfectly normal to have no idea what you’re doing and to cry and feel discouraged when things don’t go as you hoped. What matters is that you don’t give up. I had an interview this week that went terribly. I walked out feeling like a failure and never wanting to do another interview again. But I biked home, had a cup of tea with my roommate and went right back on my computer to apply for more jobs.
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