Peace, Perfect Peace

"Peace is always beautiful."

I have that hanging on the wall in my bedroom, the quote from Walt Whitman printed across baked clay, a piece of art I found at a market my sophomore year during a somewhat rough period in my college career.

Peace has always been something I've craved but never quite known what exactly it was or how to find it, as though it's some mysterious ancient treasure that only a select few manage to unearth.

And I - the one with an anxious mind and penchant for meticulously thought-out life plans - clearly was not one of those select few.

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50 First Dates

At the risk of sounding like a bad Cosmo article, have you ever imagined residing in an exotic locale, lounging in a hammock while a tanned and buff Fabio (or Fabiana, whatever floats your boat) fans you with palm leaves? 

Blame it on growing up with such classics as The Lizzie McGuire Movie, but I presumed that if I ever lived abroad my romantic encounters would closely follow the previously mentioned fantasy.  Upon planning my year in Argentina (when I was not milling through government documents or googling “Why do you people not flush toilet paper in Buenos Aires?”) I was quick to jump to images of Fabio.  Absolutely none of this makes sense considering I am deeply shy and renowned for my lack of flirting prowess.  Just one glance from a suitor and I will break out in an itchy red rash.  I spent a greater part of my junior year wearing turtlenecks and scarves because I frequently saw the boy I liked on campus. 

However, this was before I moved to South America.  For those of you who have not traveled this far south of the equator, let me tell you one thing – prepare yourselves.  The men of Argentina (while I hate to generalize, this has been my experience so far) make Italians look shy.  They will pursue you, they will want to wine and dine you, and it will be bizarre though occasionally wonderful.  I’ve found that the strange experiences can be justified simply for that random, golden “perfect” date.  Here are some tips I’ve garnered from three months of rom com-worthy experiences, meeting less-than Fabio’s in the search for my true Fabio.

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We Need People

I am of the opinion that life’s smallest moments are often life’s most profound. It’s in these seemingly simple intonations that the best sort of change occurs. 

I recently cried at a wedding.

Lest you be fooled into thinking this is unusual and possibly profound, it is not; I often cry at weddings. Deep expressions of familial love, well-executed personal details and concentrated statements of beauty and commitment overwhelm me, usually to the point of tears. 

In the hopes of being honest and transparent, I did cry for all of those reasons at this wedding; many tears were shed. But the brightest moment among a night saturated with light didn’t have to do with the wedding at all. It revolved around a gin and tonic. 

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What the Hell is "The Dream" Anyways?

When I first sat down to write this blog post, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

I was prepared to tell you that “the dream” you’ve been chasing might not actually be a dream of yours at all. I was also ready to say that our dreams can often cloud our ability to recognize alternative opportunities. After much reflection editing, and contemplation, I realized that I had conflicting opinions on “chasing the dream.” Here’s my best shot at explaining my opposing viewpoints.

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9-to-5ing

About a month ago, I got a job offer (miracle in itself that anyone would even consider me for any position…). And I reacted the way I normally would: I ran away.

Actually, the trip I was going on had already been long planned out, and it just so happened to fall on that very same weekend. Since my favorite activity is ignoring all responsibility, it couldn’t have been a more perfect time to go. I won’t get into how obsessed I am with traveling considering I feel like I do this in every post/somehow find a way to bring it up to total strangers I meet in the grocery store, but there is a certain clarity I find that I never knew how to find here, the way I toss and turn all night at home but sleep straight until morning when I’m anywhere else. To me, wanting to see and do so much and knowing there are boundaries to that is heartbreak. Maybe the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever known.

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Don't Quit Your Daydream, Part III

In a short couple of months, I will officially be one full year out of college. There’s still a lot of things I wish I would’ve done by now and a few that I wish I hadn’t done at all. For better or for worse though, this year has happened and it’s turned out to be so different than I anticipated.

One of the things that I’ve really loved doing this past year is just sitting down and taking the time to create something.  I found a pen pal group called #confetticourier that was started by one of my favorite Instagramers, @peytonfrank.  The way it works is that each month that you want to participate, you sign up by a certain date in a private group created by Peyton on swapbot.com. The website then automatically generates someone from the group for you to send snail mail to.  You don’t receive mail from the same person you send to, so you never know what you’re going to get! I’ve received some really amazing packages so far with unbelievably stunning calligraphy from all over the world. My calligraphy was mediocre at best so I recently decided to step up my #snailmail game.

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What to Expect When You're Expecting (to Graduate), Part I

It’s 7 pm. The white Christmas lights that are lined with postcards from my semester abroad and the ones that are wrapped around my headboard are twinkling against their respective walls. There are two kittens curled up on top of each other at the foot of my bed and I have set up camp in the chair that barricades me into my “reading corner.” I just finished a short story I was assigned in creative writing that dug its claws deep down into my writer’s soul and as I type a Bath and Body Works candle spits fumes of vanilla marshmallow out into the air.

I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave.

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The Glorious Silence

Two weeks ago I realized that I was an introvert.

I know. As one who LOVES personality tests, I probably should have sorted this out long ago, but I didn’t. I probably had other stuff to do, like sit in my room by myself and read a book on the Supreme Court or sleep through someone’s birthday dinner (that has happened multiple times). I used to be able to fake extroversion but at the ripe old age of 23, I’m tired of the bullshit.

If I want to sit home by myself and read Jane Eyre, then by golly I will! I don’t want to go clubbing, I don’t want to be in the same vicinity as people who are talking loudly over bumping club music, and I don’t want to go to a party with strangers. At all. It literally suffocates me. I don’t think it’s social anxiety so much as the realization that I could be hanging out with my friends drinking wine and watching a movie instead at some bar in DuPont Circle hating every moment of my life. 

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Not A Student, Not Yet An Adult

Back at college, students have moved in, classes have started, football games have been won (and lost), and I’m sure many all night study sessions have already occurred. From the outside looking in, it’s the same as every other year.

Except there’s one thing: I’m not there.

No longer being a student has its good and bad moments. Can I just say how nice it is to not have homework or paper deadlines hanging over my head? It’s VERY nice. But sometimes I do miss college. I miss my roommate who now lives thousands of miles away. I miss constantly being surrounded by friends, many who have graduated and moved. I miss my professors. (I know, I’m weird.) I miss the familiarity of it all.  

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Travel Takeaways: 7 Things I Learned from My Backpacking Adventure

Are you considering venturing across the pond via plane, ship or self-made raft anytime soon? Have you scoured the Internet for advice, but found yourself drowning in a sea of “not all who wander are lost” BS? Do I sound worldly and knowledgeable yet? If you answered yes, no, or hell no to at least every single one of these questions, then keep on reading!

My goal here is to offer a realistic, yet fully exhilarating, reflection on the post-grad backpacking experience. Before we get started, I would like to emphasize that I am speaking from the viewpoint of someone who has traveled around the UK and Western Europe. This is not intended to be globally generalized advice. If you are looking to backpack in other corners of the world, take what I’m saying with a grain of salt because it may not be applicable. I am merely speaking on experiences individual to Lane Sasser.

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Life After the Move

So, I finally moved. I'm living in Tucson, Arizona working at a preschool through the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. And it's hot. Like, sweat-through-all-your-clothes-and-lie-on-the-floor-not-moving hot. I'm starting to adjusting to life with a swamp cooler (i.e. NOT air conditioning), "monsoon season," my work schedule, riding a bike to and from work, and living in community. 

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I Think I'll Go to Boston

"Why are you going to Boston?” asked the middle-aged couple sitting on the plane next to me, their Massachusetts accents heavy and bright smiles welcoming.

“Oh, no reason, really!” I answered.

One Direction. I had bought a $300 plane ticket to Boston to see One Direction.

Spending hundreds of dollars to see four British boys/angels may not have been the most financially-conscious decision, but these periodic weekend runaways are my attempts to put distance between myself and the maddening life questions that come along with young adulthood. Because as I wrote in a previous post, I’ve been having a bit of a tiff with my current life’s circumstances. I’ve been bitter against Nashville for reasons unfair to lay against such a fair and lovely city as this one. So I keep running away.

But I come back. I have no choice but to come back. I have responsibilities in Nashville, obligations that keep me tethered to her Tennessee moors. The anchor is heavy and it’s sunk deep in these city limits. For now, I must stay.

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What to Do When You Just Really, Really, Really Want to Give Up

Have you ever experienced getting sick in a foreign country with no family or loved ones nearby?

If you haven’t, let me paint you a mental picture: Me. In a Buenos Aires hospital on a Saturday morning because I had bronchitis.  The process of obtaining healthcare in a foreign country is difficult but in this one you literally take a number from a slot machine and hope that a doctor can see you at some point. 

It was a beautiful spring day outside of the hospital waiting room so the windows had been left open to allow the wind to blow in.  All of a sudden, in the midst of waiting for a doctor, I glanced up to see a mangy, flea-bitten cat simply walk in through one of the open windows and into the emergency room.  Something about seeing a stray animal enter a hospital (what I normally imagine as a hygienic, humans-only kind of zone) was strange.  Something about having had a fever for three days was also strange and with this combination I began to cry. 

In the last week I have cried three times. 

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The First Fall of Adulthood

It felt eerie because of how familiar the scene was: trying to figure out who was asleep on the couch because they were sleeping face down, everyone coming out of their bedrooms looking for water and answers, eating cold pizza that was left out all night and washing it down with an open Bud Light that was completely flat.

People say that you actually feel like you graduated when you don’t go back to school for the first time in your life in the fall. While I did feel a little off at the beginning of the month, it was being on campus last weekend that I really felt it.

I teared up on my drive home. How could this part of my life be over? Don’t get me wrong, I hate being hungover and am glad I wasn’t in as rough of shape as my friends, but they don’t know how good they have it. The only priority they have on weekends is to eat something and shower before it’s time to go drink all over again. I had to go home to do my laundry and grocery shop (I miss the dining hall) and get my life together.

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