It's Okay to Second-Guess Your Job
Let’s face it. Venturing out of your comfort zone is easier said than done, especially when it comes to your first job.
You have to be vulnerable, courageous and confident. Three things many recent college graduates struggle to be (please tell me it’s not just me).
I accepted my first real job three months before I graduated college – way before the majority of my peers even started looking. My first reaction? I’m employed! In your face, statistics.
My yearlong position will involve traveling about every six days and working with college women. I was ecstatic for the opportunity to work for a value-based company, spend a year traveling across the United States and use my skills to make a difference.
As time passed and my start date grew closer, I began to second-guess everything about the job I accepted months earlier.
Is there a better opportunity? Am I taking the right step towards my career? Do I really want to spend a year away from everything and everyone I know? Am I even qualified?
This job was going to be the first of many changes in my post-grad life and I was terrified. I began to doubt my strengths, my knowledge, my personality and even my sense of style. I was just waiting for the day someone realized I didn’t know everything in the world.
Finally, I stopped being scared and started being vulnerable. I faced reality: This new job is going to challenge me personally and professionally. It will undoubtedly push me outside of my comfort zone, but in one year I will be a better version of myself.
Employment is an important decision and it is terrifying to feel like you could be making the wrong decision. On the other hand, it is important to understand that while it’s normal to second-guess a new job or opportunity, you still need to follow through with your commitment.
Your first job may not be the perfect job, but you will still gain new skills, talents and experiences. If you change your mindset to, "I am going to learn as much as possible from this,” then you can begin to eliminate your self-doubt and stop second-guessing your decision.
You applied for this job for a reason and you were intentionally selected, too. You’ll never know what is waiting on the other side of graduation, until you take a risk and explore. It could be everything you dreamed of or open doors to even bigger and better opportunities.
Enter each new opportunity with an open mind and open eyes. At the end of the day, you are improving yourself no matter what. When a new job requires you to venture outside of your comfort zone, grab your vulnerability, courage and confidence and do it!
[Photo by Juliette Kibodeaux.]
“Words are our most inexhaustible source of magic.” — J.K. Rowling
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Hi friends,
Announcement (sounds so formal, doesn’t it?):
It's the end of an era.
I’ve decided that, after nearly 8 years of telling stories of navigating life, this season of Windrose is drawing to a close.
When I was 22 years old, I visited the desert for the first time.
A metaphorical desert, if we’re getting technical.
I was fresh out of college, starry-eyed and eager to begin my post-grad life. I had big ‘ole me-centered dreams: a shiny, brag-worthy PR job in the music industry! An apartment with an exposed brick wall that (somehow) would fit an upright piano! A committed relationship with a kind, goofy man!
I got exactly none of those things.
To summarize an entire year’s worth of emotion: I was devastated.
Between the hours of 3 - 4 am, I find myself awakened by nothing in particular. The room is silent. There is no sound outside. No loud car horns. No dogs barking.
I’m upset.
I wish it was something other than just me. Then I could stop it. Nothing is to blame. It feels like moments have passed since I closed my eyes. The moments of a long dreamless sleep last about 4 hours.
A year ago, a friend of mine got a job at a well known tech company. He had been slogging through the interviews, and he finally got an offer. Obviously he deserved it. He was a hard worker, and his attitude for success and life was admirable to say the least. I knew he was beyond qualified.
But at the time, I was on a career path I couldn’t see myself being happy in. I had made the mistake of staying in the industry mainly for the money. Every month in the industry was a reminder of how much I did not want to stay. It created a nasty cycle of overthinking and career angst. Feelings of inadequacy and existentialism rooted themselves deep inside me. I couldn’t focus on anything and was utterly disconnected from the work I was doing.
I admit I wasn’t happy for him.
It may be over.
Despite its nature, the concept is definitive. The body is better at preparation than action, so the concept invokes an uncontrolled reaction. The sweaty palms; the rusted coils in the stomach; the feeling of teetering on the edge—my body thinks I’m dying.
It tries to save me from myself. It transforms into a spring to weather elements. Or a boulder. I am hunched, prepared for the event.
But there’s nothing to save me from. My life isn’t in danger. I’m not being chased by a wolf. I sit on the couch. I sit in my chair, still. I am, in theory, perfectly healthy.
Yet my mind paces.
I woke up again and knew I wasn’t going back to sleep.
The alarm wasn’t even close to waking up. The cracked light through my drapes showed the indigo sky—a shade I’ve come to refer to as “you’re not sleeping tonight” blue. I looked at my phone but already knew what it would read before the screen turned on: 3am.
It was the third night in a row I’ve woken up at this time. In the past, options to tackle this insomnia were aplenty: I could go back to sleep after a drink of water. I could read and drift off. I could even play some video games until sleep lulled me back. But lately, my mind pulls the body along a joyride of thought. It starts and doesn’t stop. It has become loud and uncontrollable, like a child. In dead silence this time brings, my mind wakes before my body can at 3am.
3am. Historically, I’ve gotten along with this time.
One could say I’ve preferred the night in my life.
Despite the sun’s rays and the heightened sense of joy in the air that wafted like perfume, I was feeling gray. Over the year, COVID-19 made me uncertain about my future. In my life, like most people, the pandemic revealed certain aspects of life that weren’t previously apparent. Maybe for some it was relationship issues. Maybe it was cabin fever or job uncertainty.
In my case, my career path was no longer clear. I was increasingly aware of this fact as the days dragged on in isolation. Throw in the economic flux of the job market, a splash of consistent restlessness, and you have a cocktail of underlying anxiety.
Caught in a web of thought and analysis-paralysis, I often spent more time pondering the future than acknowledging the present day.
Is this everything you wanted, now that it’s everything you have?
This question haunts the intro of a song by singer/songwriter Noah Gundersen. At just 2 minutes and 16 seconds, the song is short but packs power like a summer thunderhead. I’ve listened to this song so many times in the last six months, and yet every time I hear it, it does that thing that all good songs do, making your heart feel like it just might burst from an inflation of emotion.
Is this everything you wanted, now that it’s everything you have?
On the surface, yes.
“Would you rather be comfortable?” my roommate, Chelsey, asked me.
Work has weighed heavily on me these last several weeks, and on this particular day, I felt like I was on the precipice of a cliffside drop into a panic attack. As I boiled noodles and browned ground turkey, I shared my stresses with my friend as stray tears tried to make a quick getaway from my eyes.
Would I rather be comfortable or challenged?
You know that feeling when you first discover something and that something new-to-you suddenly appears everywhere? It happens to me a lot with words, the once unfamiliar expressions jumping from each subsequent page I read or floating through the air, only to rap on my eardrums.
Lately, I’ve felt that way about writing.
I have given up on so many things.
Keep going isn’t exactly my life motto. I’m an instant-results girl, which is why cooking and 5-o’clock traffic bring me such mental anguish.
But today Windrose is celebrating four years of existing in this li’l Internet space—four years of stories told of navigating the challenges and triumphs of life in your twenties.
For my entire life, this has been my dream. Freezing cold, sitting on the roof of my apartment, staring out at New York City in all its glory, at 2 o’clock in the morning, listening to Billy Joel. It really, truly does not get better than this.
But at the same time, it could.
Because there’s something that no one tells you about getting your dreams: Sometimes, it’s not what you thought it would be. Because sometimes, dreams change.
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