Palms Up Pausitivity: Developing a Sense of Gratitude

I was raised to recognize the good in each day. I have a mother who combats negativity with a sense of humor and this incredible knack for finding the positive in any given situation. I have a father who works tirelessly each day and comes home with an infectious laugh and the best hugs. I have a sister who faces obstacles head on and always manages to come out with strength and an awesome outfit. My family has woven this supportive netting of optimism and unwavering fortitude. It is for this reason that I believe, no matter who we are or where we may be, we can get through any storm.

When I began my first full-time job, I adapted a personal daily affirmation for my journey. I began this practice after reading that the simple act of turning your palms up can drastically change your mental state. Turning your palms upward adjusts your mind and body to become more open both physically and mentally. Not only that, but it is also a nearly universal gesture of trust and willingness to listen, therefore creating a more welcoming approach to others.

Try this now: Turn your palms up and pay close attention to your mind.

After reading about this phenomenon, I began integrating this pose into my everyday life. As often as I can, with the goal being daily practice, I carry out a palms up affirmation by turning my hands upwards and repeating: “Today I am grateful for all that I am given and all that I will give. I accept my challenges and love this life.”

As silly as this may seem, I keep this practice as a sort of mindful recalibration. A pause for positivity—“pausitivity,” if you will.

Seeing the distress and discord of our nation is no small reason to begin practicing pausitivy. I look back at my past posts and find that at the root of all of them is a complaint, a struggle, a test of my patience. At this time in my life as well as our country, it is hard not to dwell on the obstacles faced. It is hard not to start a conversation off with a sigh and a protest. Still, this is all the more reason to pause.

Let’s begin with coffee.

I am grateful for the warm cup of coffee that I hold in my hands in the morning. I am grateful for this source of caffeine that fuels my pausitivity. As I drink, I pause for a moment to allow my body to warm and prepare for the day.

I am grateful for lists. To-do lists are, admittedly, daunting, but moreso satisfying as each item is crossed off. I am grateful that I have tasks to be done and the ability to complete them.

I am grateful for greetings. I never tire of hearing “Hi, Ms. Carroll!” in the hallways and treasure the moments in each morning and afternoon when this greeting is delivered. I am grateful for being a part of something greater than myself. The students I see every day are the ones who will one day lead our world. I am grateful to see their beautiful beginnings and I continue to revel in their insight and passion.

I am grateful for my incredible family. Their compassion, commitment, and love are immeasurable, and I will forever be amazed by my own luck to have some of the greatest people in my life.

I am grateful for a boyfriend who refuses to accept pessimism as a way of thinking. I am thankful for this man who turns any destructive thought into an opportunity for advancement.

It is no small task to pause and collect these acknowledgments. I’ll admit this list did not come naturally at first. Though at first you may find your mind clouded with dissent, training your mind to recognize blessings is absolutely worth a try.

Now, I’m no psychologist or philosopher, but I wholeheartedly believe in optimism. I’m far from a Pollyanna, but I do crave the benefits of positivity.

I will pause to appreciate all that I am given and all that I will give. I will pause to find the positive in the life I am fortunate enough to lead.

I accept my challenges and love this life. Will you?

[Photo by Juliette Kibodeaux.]

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Why did you move?

A cardstock print sits propped against the lamp on my desk: a taupe watercolor swipe outlining a peakside Saguaro, the sun a tiny ring above. Beneath this minimalist illustration are these words in typeface: “I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

I happened upon this notecard-sized print on the way out of a shop last weekend, after already having completed another purchase. It was the last print of its kind in the pile. I had to have it. I returned to the cashier: “This one, too.”

You see, this verse has been a thread weaving through my story, simple words spoken by a prophet long dead, a passage of comfort I’ve returned to again and again since my pilgrimage to the desert four years ago, when I inked a cactus on my wrist.

The Good Old Days

Last week was National Margarita Day.

I did not, however, celebrate the holiday. Truthfully, I’ve yet to find THE Mexican place here in Phoenix. You know the one: gaudy decorations, cheap food, even cheaper margaritas.

But there’s a Mexican restaurant at the corner of Charlotte and Whitebridge in Nashville, TN.

You may have heard of it.

10 Life Lessons This Cross-Country Move is Attempting to Teach Me

There are a few lessons life has attempted to teach me since my move — all things that I haven’t yet spiced up into a full essay, but deserve to be memorialized by my metaphorical pen nonetheless.

So I present a collection of lessons I’ve learned — and am still learning — in the last 3 months.

When The Hardest Thing & The Right Thing Are the Same

“Nuh uh!” I had protested.

The best thing about being 15 years old is that you know absolutely everything there is to know about life.

I certainly did.

I was arguing with my friends over the line in a song from The Fray (#tbt to moody middle school days): “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.”

Doing the right thing should never be hard, I confidently claimed. Anytime you have the choice to do the right thing, the healthy thing, the thing that builds up rather than tears down, it should never, ever be difficult to choose that.

Like I said, I knew everything.

Of course, 13 years later, I know that I don’t actually know much at all. And I also know that the hardest thing and the right thing are just about ALWAYS the same. It’s madness, really.

A Holy Yes to the Real Things: On Setting Social Media Boundaries

Two and a half hours.

That’s how long I had spent on my phone that day. Reading emails, sure. Responding to texts, some. Catching up on news, a bit. But mostly: scrolling through Instagram.

I had spent an hour of my day clicking through clips of someone else’s life. The sad truth? Some days, I’ve spent way more than just one hour lost to Instagram.

This is where the High School Musical cast flash mobs my brain with “we’re all in this together”—because my educated guess is that you can relate to this daily scroll-fest, too.

Who You Are Now: On Outgrowing Earlier Versions of Yourself

In the last few months, I’ve realized, much to my dismay, that I look older. That I am aging. This sounds dramatic coming from an able-bodied twenty-seven-year old, but it’s true. I didn’t know I found so much worth and security in the way that I looked until I started to notice a difference.

As humans, we note the passing of time in the changes around us. The tree that was once green is now orange, now yellow, now brown and bare. The crack on the stoop starts to grow weeds and crumble. The basil plant gets bigger, the dust on the shelf gets thicker, and the water stain on the ceiling expands to look like a dinosaur. We note these changes with surprise, as if they’ve happened all of a sudden instead of one day at a time.

On Navigating Grief During the Isolation of Quarantine

I read about the third suicide that had happened while we were in quarantine via email from my supervisor.

“I apologize for my absence. As some of you may have heard, my brother committed suicide over the weekend, and my family and I have been grieving this loss.”

I wrote back to the mass email individually saying how sorry I was for her loss, and that I, too, had suffered a loss at this time. Within the last month, I had lost my uncle to a surgery that left him paralyzed for weeks in the hospital. Alone. Without family. And that that had filled my heart with grief in a confusing time that didn’t allow people to gather and grieve the loss of a loved one. Let alone, let them say goodbye.

No Man Is An Island: An Ode to Our Neediness

The last few years of my life—so basically my Full Grown Adult Years—have been a reinforced lesson in this one simple yet slightly-jarring fact: we need each other. I mean, need-NEED each other.

“No man is an island,” says Thomas Merton, and my bae C.S. Lewis backs this up further by writing, “We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.”

We’re meant to be needy, but why is it so hard to acknowledge and accept this?

Say What You Need

Now maybe it wasn’t your family or your upbringing that made you neglect voicing your needs. Maybe it was a toxic relationship or a difficult work environment. Maybe it was someone who told you that your needs were selfish or that the desires of your heart didn’t matter.

Whatever it was, I urge you to identify those people or experiences or situations and start using that knowledge to change.

A Beginner's Guide to the Enneagram

Maybe you, like me, have become curious about the Enneagram because it is popping up everywhere in conversations and on your social media timeline. Maybe you know everything there is to know and have become quite fluent in Ennea-lingo (you even know that there are sub-types!).

Maybe this is the first time you’re ever hearing about this weird test and you’ve spent the last four paragraphs trying to figure out how to even pronounce the word “Enneagram” (In-ee-a-gram, for the record).

No matter where you’re at, we can all use some guidelines when it comes to personality tests, because none of us are immune to over-identifying, self-shaming, and becoming a walking personality-test-fulfilling prophesy. So, without further ado, here are my dos and don’ts of Enneagram-ing.

The Battle to Overcome Your Rejection

Rejection is an issue I’ve had to wrestle hard with over the last three years. Every time Rejection and I had to face off in the boxing arena, I would always end up slammed and pinned down. In boxing, you have ten seconds to get yourself up before the game is over. For me, it took months before I could even peel my head off the floor.

How to Respond to Someone Else's Grief

But this post isn't about my own grief. It's not about the tears I've cried, or the questions I've asked. It’s not about my own days where getting out of bed felt too hard.

It's about a different side of the fight. It's about your mom's grief when she loses her college roommate. And your best friend after she has a miscarriage. It’s about all the people you encounter, telling you about their grief.

Health, LifeC. CarrollNovember 29, 2016FeaturedComment

Palms Up Pausitivity: Developing a Sense of Gratitude

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